Kaleo San Diego Church

About a year ago I lived in a really amazing place. I loved it there! Life was good... and then one day I found this random door, this strange door that I had never noticed. I opened it up and was astonished at what I saw. That whole time I had been living in a tiny bathroom and on the other side of that door was a huge house... the rest of God's house. Since then I have been running from room to room, jumping on the beds, sliding down the banister and exploring every nook and cranny, fumbling around as I try to take it all in. I know that I will never get to every room, but I am so blessed by what I have seen. God used Kaleo to open that door for me... a door to show me just how much I didn't know or understand and how much there was to discover in Christ.

That first month at Kaleo I cried through the services as I was bombarded with the words depravity and grace over and over and over. Thanks, David! It was like finding that last piece to the jigsaw puzzle that had been missing for years. It finally fit. You see, so much of what my walk had been about was "doing". Serving. Ministry. Leaders asked for someone to step up and so I did... over and over and over again. What I didn't realize at the time was that in many ways I was trying to live out a works based faith. There was such a focus on stepping up that, while I was doing works in God's name, I wasn't getting to know Him in ways He desired for me. This led to self righteousness, pride, legalism and false humility. I honestly thought I was doing these works for God... and many times I was... but looking back I realize that, unfortunately, much was in vain.

God has given me a big mouth and after I was saved I knew that I needed to use it for Him, evangelizing my little heart out. The only problem was that because I wanted so badly for the people in my life to come to Christ, I ended up bombarding them with reasons why they should believe in Jesus to the point of pleading. These people had seen me transform from a party girl into a bible thumper, full of zeal without knowledge, and in the end, I alienated them and drove a wedge in my relationships. I was not loving them the way God had called me to.

The Lord has held a mirror up to my face, exposing my heart... and it has been ugly. Really ugly. The sad part is that He's only shown me a small portion of myself; I guess I can't handle the rest yet. As He has revealed my depravity and I have acknowledged my need for a Savior, God has granted me a freedom that I had ignored, a love that somehow I missed in the midst of my business. The Lord has given me a glimpse of the grace that has been poured upon me and it's beautiful.

In John 15 God's word says, "Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." This Truth has become evident in my life, transforming my heart and leading me back to where I started: serving Him, this time with a right heart. I still struggle with my flesh, and God makes it clear when my intentions are not for His glory. Like I said he's been holding up a mirror!

He has called me to repent and keep short accounts with Him, providing tangible examples through our elders. Every time they lead us in repentance I am tearfully reminded how well we are shepherded and led right back to the cross. He called me to apologize to those I had witnessed to in the past; those who may have been hurt by my "loving them". I reluctantly obeyed and I cannot even begin to tell you how the Lord is healing and reconciling those relationships back to Him. Their hearts have been softened, and once again, He is glorified.

God has given me a burden for women- victimized, marginalized, and deceived by the enemy. This has manifested into a calling to reach out to a group that is objectified daily: women who take their clothes off for a living, some to put bread on the table or to pay their way through school. Many of these women have been abused, lied to, or tortured by substance abuse, and are in so much bondage that they cannot see (or even imagine) the love of a Savior. Although I was intimidated by this group that I know so little about, God made it clear that I was to keep my mouth shut about it and just pray. Little did I know, He was tugging on the hearts of a handful of people here at Kaleo to minister to these women as well. He has called us- unworthy, fearful ragamuffins- to love them with His truth. Where we fail to do this, He does not.

Do you remember several weeks ago when David brought up this stripper ministry? You could have heard a pin drop. I think my heart might have stopped for a second! My selfish heart didn't want the church to know yet because I was scared and didn't want us to get ahead of ourselves. I was sooo clueless about how quickly God was forming Amada Ministries. There is meaning in the name He gave us- "beloved" in Spanish- and our hope is that his beloveds can finally rest in His love and grace.

That very same morning a gal woke up with a desire to go to church, googled "San Diego church" and found Kaleo. She came and sat alone, waiting to see if God would speak to her. He did. David's sermon reminded that Christianity is not something we can opt in and out of, that we are called to love the strippers, the transvestites, the crack dealers and everyone else that our pride keeps us from loving. He announced that there were women in our church called to love the strippers of San Diego with the gospel, and our church had better check their hearts. Our visitor was blown away! A former exotic dancer trying to find her way back to God, she was overwhelmed at the notion that there was a church of people willing to reach out to her friends. She has since joined our ministry, becoming a dear friend, encouraging us and providing insider info, which has enabled us to plan and provide resources we never realized were needed. God is working and the Holy Spirit is moving in our church!

We are called to live in response to the gospel- not for a gold star or a high five- for God's GLORY. We cannot acknowledge what Christ has done and sit still; it's impossible. His word tells us in 1 Peter, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ."

There are so many women who are dancing their way through school or to keep the lights on for their kids. They have material needs, child care needs, counseling needs, mentoring needs... and I have no doubt that God will provide for them all. Kaleo, let us love them as we have been loved. Let us be uncomfortable, let us be challenged and let us be changed. I have been changed by grace. I've been saved by it, in fact. And I praise God for everyday I can suffer with, encourage or love on his kids. Thank you for loving on me this past year. It has truly changed me.