Kaleo San Diego Church

Ladies, let's begin by assuming that we have been lied to by society (since the day we were born) and that God (Scripture) is the only place we can go to for Truth . This first session is primarily sociological in nature so that we can establish where we are today. It is important that prior to laying out this foundation, that we discuss the state of things today. Often we are trained by society for years to believe certain things because we are taught these things from our youth to today. This causes us to examine scripture with a ‘filter' that does not allow us to take God's Word at face value, but bring our emotions and feelings into the text. After establishing these, we will then examine our discoveries in scripture after removing these filters. Some of the things we will discuss this weekend may be offensive and may hurt our feelings. However, we plan to look to God's word for answers. If any one fundamentally disagrees with these teachings, please help us by using scriptural references.

I. Today's Woman in Society

If we look back 30, 50 or even 100 years ago, the roles of the sexes were remarkably different then they are today. What was considered ‘male' and ‘female' were distinct. Males had a particular role in society, while females had another. We lived with the false idea that a man should come home from work with a pregnant, barefoot wife, working in the kitchen for his every need and desire. A male was seen as strong, a leader, the provider; the world was really seen as a man's world.

Even if things appeared to be in order, great problems lived underneath. Men were often chauvinists; they used their power to look at women like second class citizens. For example, American women were not allowed to vote until 1920, which passed Congress by one vote. For centuries, Anglo-American common law granted the husband the right, as head of the household, to beat his wife as long as he did not cause permanent damage. Domestic violence perpetrated by males accounts for more adult female emergency room visits than traffic accidents, muggings, and rape combined. And, according to the U.S. Surgeon General, it is the greatest single cause of injury to American women. The U.S. Department of Justice reports that 30% of women who are murdered, are killed by their husbands, ex-husbands, or boyfriends.

A tremendous movement by women began. The movement was spurred by the sinfulness and failures of men. It was during the late 60's that the rebellion really started advancing mainstream. Women nationwide had become sick of men being in power, telling women how to live. Feminist organizations were founded to change society's structures so that sexual distinctions might be minimized or overcome. At first, feminists protested the Miss America pageant; they threw their dishcloths, girdles, false eyelashes, bras, and copies of Vogue, and the Ladies Home Journal into a “Freedom Trash Can”.

It wasn't until the 1970's that these ideas began to gain steam. Women realized that the change had to come from a position of power. To challenge this, feminists developed a woman-centered analysis of all of culture. Every facet of human experience had to be challenged and redefined. For example;

• Language: Feminists maintained that a bias favoring males was present in language. Gender neutrality was brought forth. The stewardess became a flight attendant; no longer could you speak of mankind. Even in marriage women began to keep their own last names (which are the names of another man – their father).

• Motherhood: Each individual woman must have the right to determine when, where, and how to become a mother. If she had an unwanted pregnancy, she must have the right to abort her child. Abortion numbers rose dramatically. If she chose to have a child, it was to be cared for by society as a whole, so that the responsibility would not restrict her in any way. Daycares sprung up across the country.

• Sexual Relationships: Following the sexual revolution of the 60's, feminists agreed that women should be free to have sex with whomever they wanted. However, up until this point, the matter of sexual relationships between women was not discussed in public. In the early 70's, a woman's choice of sexual partners became more than a personal choice; it became a political statement. This led to the rise of lesbianism and promiscuity.

As these changes became reality, a whole new generation of children were reared under these ideas. Women changed. Also, the next generations of men were changing.

Schools adopted a new model, the one offered by feminists, calls for a "profound revolution," one that will change the way society constructs young males. It hopes to eliminate stereotypical boyish behavior such as roughhousing and aggressive competition. In fact, they hope the future will look more like a Philadelphia school which "replaced the traditional recess with 'socialized recesses,' in which children are assigned structured activities and carefully monitored" so that gender stereotypes are extinguished.

A teacher in San Francisco is going one step further. She has transformed her classroom into a woman-centered community of learners. All the images in the classroom are of women. While each student is required to perform a dramatic dialogue in the author's voice, the boys are forced to do works by women. One little boy attempted to lip-synch a song by blues singer Etta James, and when the other boys giggled, they were chastised for their insensitivity.

Being a male is now considered something that needs to be fixed. Psychology teaches us that our "masculine side" is aggressive and domineering and territorial and our "feminine side" is kind and caring and sharing. Boys are twice as likely to be labeled "learning disabled" and in some schools are ten times more likely to be diagnosed with learning disorders such as ADD. William Pollack, a Harvard psychologist, argues that by doing away with traditional male stereotypes the next generation of boys "will be able to safely stay in the doll corner as long as they wish, without being taunted." Philosopher Sandra Lee Bartky writes that human beings are born bisexual and through conditioning are "transformed into male and female gender personalities." Homosexuality is no longer controversial, it is normal.

In this change, the roles males once held have been stripped to the point of confusion. On one hand, we still live in a society that says ‘real men don't cry', that men should be competitive, that they should pursue successful careers and are marketed constantly with female sexuality. On the other hand, if a boy is too competitive they are given Ritalin, if they don't cry they are labeled insensitive, if they are successful they are seen as part of the chauvinistic power structure that keeps women down and if they make any comment about the constant sexual marketing, they are slapped with discrimination lawsuits. Today, men in our society are as confused as ever.

Additionally, men are being confronted with the ‘new woman' who is told they must pursue status, wealth and power. Women have been tricked by feminism which supposedly ‘freed women' from the tyranny of men only to realize they are trapped in this new paradigm to compete with men in their domain.

Women have fought for a certain respect that now means they have to fend for themselves. As a result, men have learned that they are able to pursue and seduce these women with no apparent responsibility or consequence. Instead of women being cherished, men are free from any commitment to the woman because women need to be able to take care of themselves.

Ultimately, men easily have settled into their favorite sins of laziness, lust and irresponsibility. Most men would prefer to not marry, but rather pursue and sleep with women and make sure these women use birth control and/or abortion to ensure they are not stuck with a child. If the woman does get pregnant and will not abort it, many men decide to not participate in that child's life. Today 1 out of 3 births do not have a father listed on their birth certificate, and more than 40% of children nationally do not live with their fathers or a father figure. These children without fathers are five times more likely to be poor and ten times more likely to be extremely poor. They're more likely to drop out of school, use drugs and alcohol, engage in promiscuous sex and become unmarried teenage parents, perform crimes, suffer from mental illness and commit suicide.

What are the results of men being raised to become more feminine and women more masculine? For many of us who were born in the 1960's or later, this is the only reality we know. Many of us recognize that things do not seem better as the merging of man and woman takes place, but it brings up greater conflict and consequences. As we've seen this change in the roles of men and women, we have seen more divorce, more broken homes, more homosexuality, more sexual abuse, more promiscuity, more disease and death, more social awkwardness, more mental illness and suicide. We are witness to the toll in our lives when we leave the design God intended in the roles women and men hold.

Today's Woman in the Church

While these profound changes have taken root into society, sadly enough the church has bought into them as well. The blurring of roles is also visible in the Church. A Professor of Theology and Sociology writes in his address for International Women's Day, “What we need is a “feminization of the Church” or, put more simply, we need a people of God with an increasing feminist consciousness”.” Many books and articles have been published that claim Scripture supports undifferentiated roles for men and women. The ordination of women to leadership offices is commonplace. Denominational women's task forces, women's studies courses in seminaries, feminist theology, inclusive language and feminist rituals are well accepted in many denominations.

At the most critical place, the pastor, priest or clergy, Godly men have been replaced by cowards at the best, criminals at the worst. It is important to realize the change at the top level of leadership because this impacts the whole church.

The office of pastor continues to be attacked by scandal. The ABC-TV Compass program claimed that 15% or more of clergy have sexually abused people in their congregations. A national study done by the Graduate Theological Union in California that indicates that among all denominations, 25% of clergy have had some kind of sexual contact with a parishioner and 10% have had an affair; a 1988 poll by Christianity Today that found that nearly 13% of clergy admit to having had sexual intercourse with parishioners and 76% know of other ministers who have.

Preachers slowly have been replaced with subsequently more effeminate ones who are afraid to preach truth from God's Word. Ministers are no longer seen as the Godly men in society that are strong, and who preach truth and biblical doctrine. An author, who wrote a book on the subject, recalls a pastor who called him. The pastor had been ordained in a mainline Presbyterian Church. He stated, “When he entered the seminary, he had to take a battery of psychological tests and talk to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist looked over the tests and the first question he asked the future pastor was, “Are you a homosexual?” The candidate responded, “No, I'm not, and why do you ask?” The psychiatrist replied, “You have the psychological profile of a homosexual. But don't worry all the successful ministers in your denomination have this profile.”

Ministers are now effeminate males who cater the church to the needs of the female majority. Today the church is dominated by women. Church attendance in the United States is about 60 percent women and 40 percent male. There are more women at devotions, retreats, small groups and prayer groups. Any masculine males have left the church. This thought is coined well by Jesse Ventura who said that ‘women are more emotional than men are, or that religion is a crutch that a man doesn't need.” Or as Nietszche claimed, it is a religion of slaves and women unfit for the hyper-masculine ‘superman'.


How are these things impacting the Christian family?

First , marriage has been destabilized and divorce is rampant. Statistics say that the divorce rate in Christian homes is as high, or higher than non-Christians. Even in Christian families, the Biblical concept has been replaced with the notion that marriage is a mere human institution, an imperfect one at that, and that divorce is a reasonable way out.

Second , male headship in the family has been replaced by an "egalitarian" arrangement where the husband and wife "share" in the leadership responsibilities in the family. The Scriptural idea that the man is head of the family (1 Cor. 11:3-12; Eph. 5:22 -23, 1 Pet. 3:5-6) is considered to be both tyrannical and barbaric, a vestige of primitive man and his ability to physically dominate his spouse. The notion that the wife should submit to her husband is scoffed at by the overwhelming majority of Christian men and women.

Third , because men are gone, future generations will not worship God in church. Studies have shown that, if a father does not go to church, no matter how faithful his wife's devotions, only one child in 50 will become a regular worshipper. If a father does go regularly, regardless of the practice of the mother, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their children will become churchgoers (regular and irregular). If a father goes but irregularly to church, regardless of his wife's devotion, between a half to two-thirds of their offspring will find themselves coming to church regularly or occasionally. Without men in church, the lineage of faith is being lost.

Fourth , the man as provider has been rejected for the new model of joint economic responsibility. The view of our time is that the man is no more responsible than the woman to provide for the financial needs of the family. Many in our culture believe the teaching of Scripture that the man is the family provider (1 Tim. 5:9), is part of a male conspiracy to hold women down by making them economically dependent on men. As a result, over 60% of the nations mothers work outside the home.

Fifth , the woman as a full-time homemaker is scorned and the working woman finding fulfillment in employment outside of her home is now the cultural norm. The Biblical mandate that a woman be a "keeper at home" (Tit. 2:4-5) is either unknown or unheeded. We now consider it to be a demeaning thing for a woman to stay at home and confine her work to the sphere of her house and her family. A career is "the way to go" for today's wife and mother.

Sixth , the woman as a nurturer of children has been replaced by the model of the working mother who hurries her children off to "daycare" while she pursues more important matters. The responsibility of motherhood is seen in far different terms now than it was in the past. The Biblical call to the mother to be with her children, to love, train, teach, and protect (1 Tim. 2:15 ; 5:14 ) is rejected for the vision of the woman who is freed from such constraints on her individuality and her own fulfillment.

Seventh , the idea that a large family is a "blessing" is rejected for the ideal family of one or two children (and for some, no children at all). The advocacy of "family planning" geared at reducing the number of children in the home is followed by nearly all. The Biblical teaching that a large family is due to God's blessing and sovereignty (Ps. 127; 128) is despised by modern families. The new view that we determine the number of children we will have, that we are sovereign over such matters, is accepted with hardly a question. Of course, this supposed sovereignty over life and birth readily leads to the justification of abortion, the ultimate birth control.

How did all these things come to pass? The first tragedy is that the church never stood up to these lies. Rather than meet this attack head-on with the word of God, the church retreated at best, at worst it has adopted these lies and brought them in.

The second tragedy is the cowardice of men, yes, even Christian men. Christian men who have the truth of the word of God but did nothing is a sorry fact indeed. God has called men to defend his truth in the world and to live out its precepts. Yet a look at the average evangelical Christian home will reveal that it too is a reflection of these society changes. Men have shown cowardice in their failure to lead and take up the responsibilities that God has given to them. The Godly masculine man of church is an endangered species.

The third tragedy is the sins of Eve's daughters, yes, that's us ladies. Christian women have a desire to rule over their husbands (Gen 3:16 ). We can be pushy, nagging, disrespectful, moody, manipulative, overbearing, belittling, unruly and ungodly. We have a knack for getting our agenda across using any number of techniques.

We need cleansing and exfoliation. Here are just a few of the things we need to cleanse ourselves of:

The Foolish Woman – Proverbs 9:13-18 “The woman Folly is loud;
she is undisciplined and without knowledge. She sits at the door of her house,
on a seat at the highest point of the city, calling out to those who pass by,
who go straight on their way. "Let all who are simple come in here!"
she says to those who lack judgment. "Stolen water is sweet;
food eaten in secret is delicious!" But little do they know that the dead are there,
that her guests are in the depths of the grave.

Proverbs 14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”

The Embarrassing Woman – Proverbs 11:22 “Like a gold ring in a pig's snout
is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion.”

Proverbs 12:4 “A wife of noble character is her husband's crown,
but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

The Easy Woman – Proverbs 23:26-28 “My son, give me your heart
and let your eyes keep to my ways, for a prostitute is a deep pit
and a wayward wife is a narrow well. Like a bandit she lies in wait,
and multiplies the unfaithful among men.”

Proverbs 29:3 “A man who loves wisdom brings joy to his father,
but a companion of prostitutes squanders his wealth.”

The Expensive Woman – Proverbs 31:3 “do not spend your strength on women,
your vigor on those who ruin kings.”

The Quarrelsome Woman – Proverbs 19:13 “A foolish son is his father's ruin,
and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.”

Proverbs 25:24 “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”

The Moody Woman – Proverbs 21:19-20 “Better to live in a desert
than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. In the house of the wise are stores of choice food and oil, but a foolish man devours all he has.”

The Flirtatious Woman – Proverbs 5:3-6 “For the lips of an adulteress drip honey,
and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall,
sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death;
her steps lead straight to the grave. She gives no thought to the way of life; her paths are crooked, but she knows it not.”

Proverbs 7:10 “Then out came a woman to meet him, dressed like a prostitute and with crafty intent.”

The Lazy Woman – Proverbs 31:27 “She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.”

Proverbs 26:15 “The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth.”

Proverbs 10:4 “ Lazy hands make a man poor, but diligent hands bring wealth.”

Today's Woman at Covenant Baptist and Kaleo

Covenant Baptist and Kaleo Fellowship believe Scripture can teach us how to be Godly women. We desire to teach the women what it means to be a Godly from Scripture. While most believers may hear this and agree to it in principle, what we study in the coming meetings will be an offense to many. Why are we offended? As believers we have been lied to by churches and by our culture and we have not understood or studied God's word to know how to live out our lives in the ways God has called us.

The reason we spent this session to discuss the sociological transition, is that many of us have been so indoctrinated by these ideas, that we don't even know it. We use these false ideas as filters when we approach scripture. Instead of reading scripture at face value, we try to change the words to fit our feminized cultural understanding.

Covenant Baptist and Kaleo is calling women to respond to the role given to them by God. To begin, your husband and your children are your first ministry (Titus 2:3-5). You must begin at home. We need to learn how we are to live at home. (If you are single, this training is not something you wait to begin when you become married. It is important you learn these and put them into practice prior to marriage.) What does it mean to be a woman and live out our ministry at home? It means that a wife will:

-support the leadership of her husband

-pray with and for her husband and children daily
-submit to her husband rather than try to lord over him
-be respectful, loving, patient, encouraging, and kind to her husband
-seek to be one with her husband, rather than two individuals

-rear children according to God's instruction, looking to husband for guidance

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by Susan Trout, 9 Nov 2007

During our four sessions together we will explore the book of Ruth. This book is written in story form and will be presented as though it were a four act play. It is our hope and prayer that each woman will see herself cast uniquely in the working out of the Gospel, and will have an opportunity to reflect on God's redemptive plan to change us through names, places and dramatic encounters. In Dan Allender's book "To be told", he says it simply " It is our responsibility to know our story so we can live it out more intentionally and boldly for the Great Story, the Gospel. God writes our story not just for our own enlightenment and insight, but to enlighten others and to reveal his own story through our story." In this play of life we learn about what God would have for us while at the feet of Jesus. It is there that we draw the strength to explore our losses, define our character and move towards others so they too can experience the redemptive process we have come to hold dearly.

Recent Women

Women's Retreat 2007 - Ruth

by Susan Trout, 9 Nov 2007

During our four sessions together we will explore the book of Ruth. This book is written in story form and will be presented as though it were a four act play. It is our hope and prayer that each woman will see herself cast uniquely in the working out of the Gospel, and will have an opportunity to reflect on God's redemptive plan to change us through names, places and dramatic encounters. In Dan Allender's book "To be told", he says it simply " It is our responsibility to know our story so we can live it out more intentionally and boldly for the Great Story, the Gospel. God writes our story not just for our own enlightenment and insight, but to enlighten others and to reveal his own story through our story." In this play of life we learn about what God would have for us while at the feet of Jesus. It is there that we draw the strength to explore our losses, define our character and move towards others so they too can experience the redemptive process we have come to hold dearly.