You, Me and Wii: Spiritual Formation through Spiritual Friendship

  • Brian Thomas
  • Sep 30, 2007
  • Series: Topical
Introduction:

• Story about the girl who wouldn't tell her pastor that she was pregnant.
- That's what's wrong with the church in our time. It is the place you go when you've put your best clothes on; you sit in worship; in home groups; you go to BBQs and other church "events" - but you don't bring your life! We tend to leave behind all our joy and pain and brokenness, our hopes and dreams.

- This morning we're looking at our community, and in particular the need and importance of cultivating spiritual friendships within our community, because I am convinced that our growth as Christians is often hindered because we are attempting to go it alone. And because of our lack of real spiritual friendship, our witness to a watching world is diminished because they do not see the kind of love and support that only the family of God can truly possess in Christ.

- The ideas for this sermon have been germinating for about eight months or so and actually came from a question that one of our elders, Tom Moller asked me about my close friendships. *Aelred of Rivaux

I. An Age of Interaction.

• We're living in a period of time that is often hailed as the information age. The amount of information at our fingertips is mind-boggling, but in the last five years, we have seen our culture move towards interaction (social networking):

- Myspace, Facebook

- Blogs

- E-harmony (%)

- Interactive gaming

- Time Magazine (You tube, online communities, virtual friends)

II. An Age of Loneliness.

 

  • Despite the virtual interaction that is taking place, the statistics show that the feeling of loneliness is on the rise.
  • One of my favorite shows growing up on Thursday nights was "Cheers". The theme song said it all: We all long for a place where everybody knows our a) Name b) Where they're always glad you came and c) where you find your troubles are all the same. A couple years later, this was followed by another show with six Friends. Theme song: I'll be there for you!
  • Now it is one thing to say that society at large feels a sense of being alone, but it's quite another thing to be sitting in this worship gathering right now surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ and "feel all alone". And I'm certain that many of you, many of you this morning feel a sense of this loneliness.

The Question is: Why? If the church is a family, a community of God's people, a Household of God, then why? Why is there such a rampant feeling of being alone?

  • I think partially it is because the church has become a museum to display the "victorious life". We tend to spotlight all the "heroes" of the faith who say, "I've got it made. I used to be this terrible person, but I met Jesus and all my problems are solved, I've got perfect honor roll kids, and live in the perfect neighborhood, with the right college degree and go to all the right events, and we spend our money just right, and read all the right books," and on and on it goes. The church in books and media is often displayed as a sort of religious "Stepford" institution (explain movie concept).

  • What we need in the church are models of failure! Does that sound crazy? I believe we need models of failure, because if I'm honest with you this morning, I fail probably more than I succeed, and I think if you're honest with yourself, you'd agree with that assessment, too.

  • The church is not a museum for finished products! It's a hospital for the sick. It's a place for recovering sinners, because none of us are sinners-emeritus.

*This morning we're going to open our bibles to a story that displays not only the need for deep spiritual friendship, but also gives us an example of failure that may help us. Matthew 26:36-46

III. Text.

  • This passage is a tragic story of missed opportunities. It could be subtitled, "How not to be a friend!" This event takes place a few hours after the Last Supper where Jesus shares a meal and in not-so-indiscreet language lets his disciples know that one of them is going to betray him and that the others will soon fail him.

  • The weight of his impending death upon the cross is burdening Jesus. He's literally in agony the text states. He's in deep need, knowing that He is going to be punished as a "sinner", and separated from the Trinitarian friendship that he has shared with His Father and the Holy Spirit.

  • At Gethsemane Jesus asks his closest friends to understand his sorrow, to pray with him as he suffered, and really - just to be there for him through this ordeal. But what happened? They fell asleep! Not once, but three times! They missed an opportunity to share in the hardships and help bear the burdens of Christ. As a result, they missed an important opportunity to experience true unity and friendship with Christ.

I think there a couple lessons here for us:

1. The Need for Friendship.

  • What's interesting here is that almost all of the commentaries I studied on this passage miss this point, but Jesus always shared his life with his friends. He didn't hide anything. He was not only truly God, but also truly man. And he experienced the deep need for "others" - for close spiritual friendship.
  • Turn to Genesis 2:18 and you'll see that this need has been there since creation.
    God takes a look at his good creation and notices something not quite right. His work of art wasn't complete. What was missing?

    "Then the Lord said, "It is not good that man should be alone."

  • This makes sense, right? We are created in the image and likeness of our God and He exists in an intimate friendship - Father, Son, Holy Spirit. The trinity tells us that God is not just love, but, more precisely, that God's love is a communal love - a communion of intimacy in which love is perfectly given and perfectly received. And He has hard-wired us in this image.
  • My friends - you and I are made for spiritual friendship. Friendship with God and friendship with one another. If you think Eve was created just for the procreation of the race, you're only getting part of the story. Man needed a helper, a companion for life's journey. And what's interesting is that this deep NEED was built-in PRE-FALL, before sin ever entered the picture! (tell story of existentialist friend who said I was weak and the church and Jesus was just a crutch)
  • When we flip and read a chapter later we see the break-down of friendship when sin entered the story. Francis Schaeffer states that in the Fall you actually witness four broken relationships:
  1. Relation to self (Adam has a profound sense of guilt and shame - he realizes he's naked)
  2. Relation to God (Adam runs and hides - knowing the intimacy he shared with God in the Garden was lost).
  3. Relation to man (Adam's first response is to shuck his responsibility and throw the blame on Eve, his closest and most intimate friend - and of course, we've been doing that ever since.)
  4. Relation to creation (the ground itself was cursed because of sin and therefore, the material world cries out for restoration, too.

The entire history of mankind finds its climax in the Savior Jesus, because He alone entered the story to restore these broken relationships. It is in Christ alone that our relation to self, to God, to one another, and the world finds a proper and true sense of SHALOM - a sense of peace.

And when we look at Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, we see him sharing his struggles with his closest companions: "Please stay here and watch. I am facing the most difficult moment in my life. It feels like the stress is going to kill me. I don't want to be alone. I need your presence. I need your support. I need your...friendship!"

My friends, if Jesus needed this kind of deep friendship, how much more do you and I need it?

(Story of being in the hospital and just wanting someone there - explain)

The Bible has several passages that speak of the usefulness of friends: (SLIDE 6)

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also - if two lie down together, they will keep him warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

"Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others." (Phil. 2:4)

"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up..." (1 Thess. 5:11)

These passages are very practical. We need friends to help us when we fall, and we all will fall to something: sin, unemployment, tragedy, sickness. God didn't intend for you to be alone - emotionally, spiritually, or physically. He didn't design you for isolation. Your friends encourage you, and help you, and remind you of God's goodness and faithfulness when we become forgetful.

I think most of us have a lot of companions, people we sort-of know, people we occasionally hang-out with, but I think few of us experience the close friendship I'm speaking of this morning. The kind of intimate friends we can lean upon in any and all situations. People that we can just share life with - all of life - the good, the bad, and the ugly. ***Explain Koinonea as sharing vice fellowship.

And the reverse side of this coin is that we need friends that we can serve, that we can encourage, that we can bring back to Jesus when they stray.

How can you carry someone's burdens if you don't know them well enough to understand what their burdens are? How can you put someone's interests ahead of your own if you don't know what their interests are? How can you encourage someone if you don't know why they're discouraged?

In other words, how do we fulfill the law of Christ - loving God and loving others - if we don't attempt to actually get to know people to love!

So the question is: Why do so many of us, myself included, feel a sense of loss when it comes to the search for true spiritual friendship?

  • Could it be that we, like the disciples, sabotage the opportunities we are given to experience true friendship? Could it be that we don't have many close relationships because we are asleep - indifferent, apathetic, detached, or closed-off - from those God has put into our lives?
  • When difficult times come, we keep them buried deep inside our hearts. When we see others facing troublesome times, we keep our distance - not wanting to get involved.

IV. Why We Prevent Friendship? (SLIDE 7) ASK Congregation!

Top 5:
  1. We think people won't love us if they know what we're really like.
  2. We're afraid people will think we're not "good Christians".
  3. We think people just won't care.
  4. We're afraid of gossip.
  5. We don't make the time. Too busy!

Ultimately, 4 out of 5 have to deal with the fact that we're afraid of being hurt! Friendship involves vulnerability. Friendship is not easy. It demands intentional, sustained effort! It requires sacrifice, and risk, and it can sometimes be messy, and yes, sometimes you're going to get hurt. But look at Jesus' response. He continues to forgive his friends (and likewise us). But friendship is worth it. It is not easy, but it is necessary.

V. Reasons to Pursue Friendship.

1. We are called to honesty in our relationships.
o "Let love be without hypocrisy." (Romans 12:9)

2. We can't receive help if others don't know we need it.
o The Scriptures I read earlier speak of helping one another, bearing one another's burdens. But how can people support us if we pretend to be fine. Jesus certainly didn't feel he had to hide his feelings with his disciples.
3. Our honesty frees others to be honest.
o If we admit to grappling with life, we give others permission to do the same.
o C.S. Lewis said, "Friendship is born the moment someone says, "What! You too? I thought I was the only one!"

4. Our honesty gives God the glory.
o We may think that God will be glorified by our appearance of having it all together, but God is truly glorified by our admission of weakness and our full dependence on HIS SUFFICIENT GRACE. That's what the gospel is all about, my friends.

The GOOD NEWS IS THAT JESUS IS A FRIEND OF SINNERS - WHY'S THAT GOOD NEWS? BECAUSE YOU AND I ARE...TA DAH! SINNERS!

So how you doing? Does this make sense?

Married Couples - How's your intimacy? (far deeper than just sex). Are you best friends? Are you as close as you once were? Talk to one another this week - share your lives. Open up, men! Your spouse is not just a room-mate. Your marriage is a beautiful picture of intimacy. Are you leading one another to Christ in love?

Those Courting or Engaged - How you doing? Are you building your relationship on Christ in an open and honest way? If not, what are you building it upon? Talk to one another. Now's the time to figure it out, because saying, "I do" isn't going to solve your issues! Whatever you're bringing into your marriage is still going to be there when you return from the honeymoon.

Singles - How you doing? Do you have men and women in your life that are taking you to the cross, supporting you, praying with you, confessing with you?

Teenagers - My young friends, how about you? Are you fostering these kinds of friendships? The proverbs are replete with wisdom stating, "bad company corrupts good morals" (explain).

*These kinds of friendships only come through our union with Christ, and they're not necessarily based upon just affinities. Explain - some of my best and closest friends are very different from me - and I'm glad for that.

VI. Friendship for the sake of Mission.

Last point I want to make is that spiritual friendship - this kind of close community - life on life sharing and caring that I've been speaking about - is not only good for you and one another - but it is one of the greatest apologetic we have for reaching the world for Christ. Do you realize this? One of the most attractive things we have that this lonely planet does not possess is this kind of friendship - with God and one another.

  • St. Augustine said, "Preach the Gospel always. Use words if necessary."

  • Explain my conversion - broken family - feeling a lack of intimacy (even though I had sexual relationships ongoing) - and discipleship from an older father-figure
    Looking back I can see I was a product of my generation and culture: Explain postmodernism and Generation-X features:
- Latch-key
- Suspect of authority
- Cautious of intimacy due to divorce and prior hurts
- More experiential than rational (desire to belong before believing)
- Desire or long for community, but are cynical about it (defense mechanisms)

If there is to be any true and lasting peace (shalom) in this world it can come only through the Prince of Peace - Jesus Christ. That peace has to be palpable - it has to be seen and heard and felt - it has to be believable because it is in fact, true - and it is the role of the church (you and I) to make it so.

  • I know this has just touched the surface of this topic, but it is my prayer that I have stirred you enough to want to go deeper in your friendships with your brothers and sisters that are sitting with you this morning.

  • We know we can't accomplish this on a Sunday morning, but we have several ways to help facilitate this throughout the week:

- Missional Communities
- Gospel Discipleship groups
- Mercy ministries
- Service opportunities (children especially)

  • Conclude (Lord's Supper): Meal for friends in Communion at the Lord's Table - celebrates our unity with Christ and one another (explain).

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